My Suicide – My Life
Yes, on 6/24/2004 in Sarasota I attempted to kill myself. I know the exact day because I branded and burned it into my arm. 1 week earlier I called to get 911 to get help, I was not in danger, or a danger and I was lucid enough to make the call. I REJECTED – turned away because I was not an “immediate threat to myself or others.” This is when my wife and I made a safety plan, during my moment of clarity we set up the plan that would protect her and the kids if I ever “LOSE IT.” A plan where she would take the kids to an undisclosed safe place and call for help.
A week later that plan went into full effect, I was dragged in the CSU in handcuffs “voluntarily” in Sarasota. My wife and kids fled for their lives… Well, you know it’s a common mental health story. This story ended with me getting help and saved my marriage. Yet, my suicidal thinking, and daily ideations still ran wild. Some meds help, some exasperated the issues. In 2008 I had a “relapse” that led me to Charlotte Behavior Health Care.
I was off my meds for two years- the time my wife Joan Winifred refers to as two years of hell on earth. I was out of control, mood swings and rapid cycling, acute mania and hearing a solid single voice in my head – repeating the same mantra over and over: “your worthless, disgusting– kill yourself – die, die, die (I’m paraphrasing of course – what we really in my head was 1000x worse).”
It was here at Charlotte Behavior Health Care that I first learned that one of my most influential coping tools to deal with suicidal idea and suicidal behavior: art therapy. It was here where I started drawing the Mental Health Humor cartoons. It was here where I found hope.
It was here I stared from with a ZERO Suicide record.
It’s been 5 years next month since I was in the CSU at CBHC. I still have a zero suicide record! I’m saying the term ZERO Suicide for a reason and in my next post I’ll explain it all.