Stigma surrounds the subject I want to talk about, I need to talk about; but it’s auspiciously-taboo. Many avoid it for the shear horror of the concept and the idea is incomprehensible! It’s unfathomable and beyond bizarre and illegal in every state. Why would any sane person ever want to kill themselves? That’s insane! Why would I want to die, why did I try to commit suicide?
I want to tell you my story in hopes that through it you may see we are not that far different when it comes to suicidal behavior, and suicidal ideation, and the act and deed. My goal is not to ever glorify suicide –no- rather to help open a conversation. To pull the subject out of the dark and into the light.
What benefit can come for talking about suicidal behavior?
- De-Stigmatizing the idea only weak minded and insane commit suicide (murder/suicide) to help Suicide Prevention.
- Help to identify possible clues and key moments that could help prevent someone from taking their own life (and or those they love with them).
- Create a safe environment where you and your loved one can talk about suicidal behavior.
- Develop a safety net or plan in case your loved one or yourself is in crisis – what to do, who to call, how to get help.
The 4 above points are what saved me. Let me explain, NOTE, this I will not explain what lead me to the point of crisis. This can be very different for everyone, but if you suffer from suicidal ideation, have suicidal seeking behavior and you’ve become a threat to yourself or others then you and I have been in the same boat.
Once we reach that point, the point when we say in our head; “I am done suffering! I want to die!” You don’t have to be insane to want to commit suicide. That is not to say that our thinking is not twisted at times.
From that point on we are the same: everyone who ever committed suicide or attempted it all had that period. It could be a fluid moment, or a rock hard concrete moment.
Our reasons all may be different. Some for love, some for retribution, or to stop the pain, some for honor and the way we plan to do it may be different (no, I am not going to list ways to kill yourself!). Yet, in the moment of YES or NO you and I are the same.
If you said yes and I did and you’re still here among the living: let’s count our blessings! If we keep saying no like I do, are we not glad we have understanding and knowledge that no matter how bad things get…there is always hope things will get better. And they usually do.
For me, How I would get better depends on the willingness for me to visualize myself in a positive way to handle the what life throws at me. This is were identifying possible clues to suicidal ideation, suicidal seeking behavior as just a “SYMPTOM” of my illness was extremely important in my recovery. It took me out of the victim mentality I was in and empowered me to change. But my change would not come over night… Read how I Walked Away Alive in my next post.